Revenge of Star Video

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 2:28 pm

A few of you may remember a trip I took to a little joint called 'Star Video', a secondhand shop which sold used games and movies and was run by a completely oblivious to anything yet still a know it all named Max. What a piece of floss.

Anyways, I first visited his store just over a year ago, which only feels like last week to me. I was on a mystical adventure... full of perils and pitfalls, on the search for 'SimCity' for the SNES.

Well, it just so happend that the back-up battery in the cartridge was dead and he insisted my SNES had some type of "memory chip" or something. As a matter of fact, I posted the story on this very forum last year. Like, the original was so totally better than the stupid sequel, anyway.

Now, before we begin, please note the following: This post may contain content such as outrageously high priced vintage electronic goods, dirty old men, demon possesed 'R.O.B.'s', sexually confused Colecovision game consoles, and an angry eighteen year-old with a child deep, deep inside him with skinned knees and an appetite for destruction.

Nobody was hurt, eaten, killed with blunt instruments, molested, nor smothered in ball pits at participating 'Chuck E. Cheese' resturaunts in the process of this 110% true story. And yes, this is a completely true story. You have been warned.

About a month ago, I awoke from a dream. No, I wasn't dreaming I was caressing and snuggling with a young Debbie Gibson, no, it was a dream that only the angels that fly with Lee Meriwether could have. Wait, Lee Meriwether isn't dead yet, is she? Ah well, give her a few years.

Anyway, I awoke from a dream of playing an old SNES title I used to rent quite often and enjoyed... to the maxx!! The game? Taito's 'Arkanoid: Doh It Again!', which is a wonderful ripoff of Atari's simple yet fun 'Breakout'.

Yeah, I like block and paddle games, so what? Not 'hardcorez' enough for you? Bah, you damn kids with your stolen 'Berlin' cassettes and watching your... 'Head Of The Class' episodes on your wristwatches... or whatever, who cares.

I had totally forgotten about this beautiful game until it came up in my dream, so I decided to track that bad boy down and give it its rightful place in my spu-ekk-tacular SNES collection. Some backstory on my small yet growing larger town; we have a plethora of
pawn shops, used games and/or movie stores, flea markets, and second hand shops.

It also appears we have generic movie and video game rental stores such as 'The Movie Station', 'Video Max' and 'Specialty Video' going out of business quite often and selling their entire stock, some for prices as low as a quarter. I prefer checking those types of stores compared to shopping online with the old "intercobb" where I'm almost guaranteed to buy (or not buy, if you get my skirt) any game I want.

There's just something about it... walking into a pawn shop or flea market and looking through the games. It's almost... magical to me, a feeling similar to waking up to Christmas morning as a small child. It's totally unexpected what treasure you'll find, admist all the car steroes, guns and vintage erotica.

Whether it be 'Irritating Stick', 'Wildsnake', or 'Total Recall', you're sure to find you a little gem in these places. Sadly, this town doesn't have many game only stores, yet we just got an EB in up the road. I won't go into it, but I'll just say I don't go in there very often. Perhaps this is a completely different story for a completely different day.

On a good day, you might meet other true gaming hobbyists in these shops instead of those ultra hot but dumb as rocks soccer moms in Wal-Mart who come up to you asking if they should get their kid a random 'Rugrats' game over a random 'Pokemon' game.

Not too long ago I talked this poor gal into getting her kid a copy of 'Leisure Suit Larry'. Hilarity probably ensued not too long after, provided the stupid broad even got the damn game out of the shrinkwrap.

I discovered the 'Zelda' series by just walking into a flea market back in 1991. The world was my water wings. We had already owned an NES since 1988, as a matter of fact. Holding an NES controller playing Mario is not only my first gaming memory, but my first memory ever.

But on this day, my mother brought me into this flea market to buy me a new game for my birthday, but she could only buy me one, although the games, even back then, were already selling pretty cheaply on the used market. Yes, we were poor... perhaps I guess you could say we still are, but that fact allows me to appreciate things a little more.

I remember it like it was just last month; we came up to this little shop run by a little old lady who was selling NES games. The shop was called 'The Trinket Box'. I looked through her game selection, but didn't find any I really wanted, since most were a bit too grown up for me at the time. No, none of those bubble bath games with Jesus and the naked ladies on the NES or whatever, but sports games and the like.

I was simple; I liked games like 'Goonies 2', 'The Great Waldo Search', 'Tiny Toons', 'Duck Tales', 'Chip N' Dale', 'Cool Spot' and the like. But the lady suggested I buy this shiny, golden cartridge. I was intrigued by the golden goodness, but... not by the name.

"'The Legend of Zelda'?!", I said aloud. "No way am I playing a girl's game!" Yep, no nancy boys down in these 'Good Nites'! But, somehow, this little old lady talked me into it.

My mother payed for it, and we came back home. I was unimpressed and dissapointed, until I booted up the old NES. After blowing into the cartridge about twenty-seven times, I loaded the game into my system.

I had just bought the best game-- no, I had just bought the best piece of electronic entertainment of all time. Well, save for that one movie with the vampires and those scenes with the lesbians kissing in the shower I discovered just a few years later, but back on topic.

Looking back on it now, the way I came across the game, not knowing really what I was getting into, and purchasing the game at such a shop, was sort've Zelda-esque.

The lady who was running the shop reminds me now of Impa and the shop was akin to Link buying a new potion or weapon. Eerily magical. You just don't get those memories from online shopping.

So, back to 1998, or whatever damn year it is now. I'm searching for Arkanoid on SNES, and I'm really not so high on the idea of actually being able to find it. But, I step out of my house hopeful, and I slip into the old family truckster, on my way to my first stop.

The first place I enter is is a pawn shop/jewelry store combo. I go to the game section. The hunt is on. I come across some Sega Genesis games in a basket in the floor this very pawn shop has had for the last six years, all sports games nobody in their right mind would pay $14.95 for.

I see a crappy PS1 section in the display case, yet there's nothing but some stupid Disney kart racing game and 'Gex: Enter the Gecko' which I already own and love. They also had some 'Casper' game and about nine sports games that, yet again, this pawn shop seemingly just can't get rid of.

I see the NES games, which are nothing but about seventeen copies of 'Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt' for 25 cents each. You know, as a low budget pawn shop exploring tight wad gamer, I'm really tired of seeing these anywhere used games are sold.

Perhaps one day I'll just go buy them all and build either a theme park, a car, or some crazy sex toy. (Seriously though, leave me feedback on this subject of doing something cool with these old 'Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt' cartridges. I'm interested in doing something like that.)

Finally, I see the SNES games, and look anxiously. Let's see... no Arkanoid yet. I do see 'Total Carnage', 'American Gladiators', 'Super Star Wars', 'Revolution X', 'Pilotwings', 'Final Fight', 'Judge Dredd'-- holy spit, 'Judge Dredd' on the SNES?! Only $6.95?! ME WANT.

I get the owner to open the display case so I can make me a purchase but, to my mass disappointment, the label reads "JEFFREY'S GAME" in permanent marker. Damn you, Jeffrey, damn you and your marker sniffing hijinks. No buy for me.

I leave the pawn shop disappointed, yet still hopeful; there's still plenty of places to scope out. I head for Bud's Kwik Kash pawn shop, the unofficial pawn shop hub for the modern southern hillbilly. Coming here was probably a mistake since Bud's such a total block.

I've made many a purchase there, and not once, in probably twelve years of shopping at his store, has he ever said "welcome" or "thanks for coming" to me. I've found so many treasures there in the last decade, though. The Tengen version of 'Pac-Man' on NES for only $9, 'Metroid II', 'TMNT II', and so many others.

After looking through Bud's weak game selection, I saw Space Invaders on the old Game Boy for $15. I try to haggle with him, if only for the fun of it. I already knew you couldn't make a deal with him; he couldn't give a cat's ass if he doesn't sell a product. He told me to either pay the $15 or don't. That's fine, you overalls-wearing hick you. I think he's been wearing the same pair for fifteen years...

I head over to Hollywood Video/GameCrazy, and no 'Arkanoid' in stock. I ask the corpse that works in there if they could order it, but he told me the game was never even released on the SNES. Idiot. I didn't even bother arguing, since this guy was such a zombie and probably stoned off his tuffett.

So I'm on the road again, and I somehow drive past the old drive-in. Some of you may remember who's across from that old drive-in. Perhaps... my arch nemesis... Max... the owner of... STAR VIDEO!! Should I or shouldn't I? It's been a year since I swore never to return, but I decided to go in, if only for a laugh.

It's raining hard as I enter the store. I nearly have a heart attack as I walk through the door, immiedietly as I walk in, some motion-sensored prerecorded message blares into my ears. Why, it sounds like good old Max. It's mostly jibberish... something about buy three games pn a paticular system, you get the fourth free. Too bad buying just one of his games would put you into the poor house.

Max welcomes me to his quaint little store, and I'm sure he doesn't even remember me. He asks what systems I own. I tell him mostly all of them. He has a boner for Sega, it seems, because he tells me he was selling Sega CD games just... out of the blue. Probably can't get rid of them, especially since most are priced at $40 a piece and only two of those games were worth a shit: 'Sonic CD', of course, and 'Snatcher'.

It looks as if Max has gained at least 100 pounds since my last little visit. I don't know how he's getting money to pay for all of that fat. He's clean shaven now, and wears contact lenses, making him look only more weasely.

The first games I look at on the wall are Atari 2600 games. 'Wizard of Wor' for $18. No, no, no. Not when you can buy 'Atari Anthology', which not only comes loaded with 60 games, is only priced at $20. I guess it's fine if you really want to play it on your Atari, but Jesus, you have other options.

His other Atari prices were pretty ridiculous, at $10 and upwards, when I see most of these go for nickels and dimes at garage sales. I go to the Dreamcast section. Let's see, he's got 'NFL 2K' for... get ready... $29.99. Used. 'Spider-Man', only $24.99... used. 'Ecco the Dolphin', $29.99... used.

And, get this: 'Shenmue', wait, sit down, put down all liquid beverages, swallow that nacho. Ready? 'Shenmue'... on Dreamcast... selling for $79.99. Used. No typo, $79.99. 'Shenmue'.

Had to ask why, here. "Howdy, Max, care to explain that $80 used copy of 'Shenmue'? I says. "Well, it's probably the most rare video game ever, and it was only available for sale in Japan. I'll give it to you for $75." he said. Wow, what a goddamn good deal, moron. I'm pretty sure I almost bought one of those at Wal-Mart for $15 near the end of the Dreamcast's life, but whatever.

I finally slip on over to the SNES games. Great selection. Most games even come with the original boxes and instruction manuals... although used. I saw 'Final Fantasy II' for $69. Eh, what are you gonna do? 'Final Fantasy III'... $99? A bit insane. 'Chrono Trigger', $120? Now, come on.

I keep looking, still no sign of Arkanoid. I see 'Super Double Dragon', for $54. Wow. 'Zombies Ate My Neighbors'... $49. Ouch. 'Super Mario RPG'? $99. Welp, no Arkanoid, but I check the PS1 section for the hell of it. Most of them were selling for over $40, and every single case was cracked.

I look at a Colecovision console, with unicorn and Heathcliff the cat stickers all over it, selling for $70. I also believe it's the same Colecovision my sister once owned, she put stickers on everything, and that shiny purple unicorn looked familiar. Maybe it just spawned from an old homosexual fantasy of mine, who knows.

I go to the NES section. Remember that new sealed NES he was selling for $399 on my last visit? He still has it, now for only $299. That big price drop is gonna do him bunches of good come holiday season! He had some NES Advantage joysticks with the boxes that I was attracted to, yet they were going for a whopping $50 each. His NES games were actually selling for a fair amount, anywhere from $5-$20 at the most.

I flat out ask him if he might have 'Arkanoid' on SNES, with no luck. He does offer to order it for me, but for only $30. Fuck you, Max. I didn't say it to his face, but he knew I was thinking it, due to either my clenched fist or my massive boner I received due to looking at a nudie poster of a black chick on the wall.

On my way out, I see an old pal of mine named R.O.B. Mine disappeared at least 15 years ago, and I'd love another, but I wouldn't love it so much if I had to pay Max $99 for one. What a cheese dip. As I walked away from the little bot, it seemed he decided to go with me. It fell off the fucking table. It broke.

Max demanded I pay for the damn thing. I didn't even touch it, I didn't bump the table, hell, he probably pushed it off because he couldn't sell the goddamn thing. He ordered me to buy it or he'd call the police. Yes, the police. He claims he has a strict "you break it you buy it" policy.

I pretty much have no other choice at this point but to buy it, and I was prepared to just run south of the border, but he decided to tell me that it's okay if I just "leave and there won't be a problem". Fine. I left that Nightain, never to return.

I stop by the pawn shop across from the donut shop on the way home. It was the last place I felt like checking out. I walk in, spot a small box with some SNES games, and there it is, in all its glory!! 'ARKANOID!!' Only $5!! I pay, leave, go across the street to the dount shop, got a donut, and went to my car, ready to head home to enjoy some 'Breakout' wannabe action!

I have learned a lesson from my many years of budget gaming, and that's this: shop around. It's the best thing anyone can do. Don't always settle for the first item you come across, since the place just two blocks away is probably selling it loads cheaper. Or you could just be a conk and order crap online.

And... just avoid any R.O.B.'s for a while... please? For me?

Double-S- · Post by **Double-S-** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 2:31 pm

tl;dr

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 2:39 pm

Double-S- wrote:tl;dr

Do you need glasses? Because totally don't waste your money. Pour Ajax into your eyes and one of those bubbles should do the magnifying for you.

Baba O'Reily · Post by **Baba O'Reily** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 2:52 pm

Your story is bad and you should feel bad.

Starscream · Post by **Starscream** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 2:53 pm

amazing

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 2:54 pm

What, was it the part about Lee Meriwether? Too far, I agree.

But seriously, why isn't that bitch dead?

Looshi · Post by **Looshi** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 5:18 pm

You exceeded the amount of words I can read in one post.

By about a 1,000.

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 5:46 pm

I blame it on the public schooling.

Double-S- · Post by **Double-S-** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 6:25 pm

You are trying far too hard to be witty.

Post by **Delphine** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 7:17 pm

See, I don't have a problem with long posts; but they had better be as interesting as they are long. This? Is not.

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:08 pm

Wow, I wasn't even aware I was being interesting nor witty. Thanks for the constructive criticism, though.

chriscaffee · Post by **chriscaffee** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:12 pm

If you knew your post wasn't interesting, then why did you post it?

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:17 pm

To completely waste mine and your's time.

chriscaffee · Post by **chriscaffee** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:20 pm

To be honest I highly doubt it. This seems to be some kind of Internet defence mechanism, probably a reaction to being PWNED.

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:23 pm

That's it, I'm catching a boat to 'Nam.

Double-S- · Post by **Double-S-** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:10 am

Cub wrote:Wow, I wasn't even aware I was being interesting nor witty. Thanks for the constructive criticism, though.

I never said you were being witty, you moron.

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:13 am

I got zwned.

plasticwingsband · Post by **plasticwingsband** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:19 am

ok guys lay off i n'joyed it ok!?!?

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:21 am

You only enjoyed it because you're a toolish knob such as myself.

plasticwingsband · Post by **plasticwingsband** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:25 am

Cub wrote:You only enjoyed it because you're a toolish knob such as myself.

Not really. It needed to be condensed, perhaps, but I don't regret reading it.

Also, you should utilize the Mario/Duck Hunt cartridges as if they were shurikens. On everyone you see!

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 12:33 am

Yeah, or I could place my unborn baby's fetus in the microwave.

Seriously, I will do something with those cartridges. It's incredibly annoying how many I have seen in my state, and know so many people with multiple copies.

WhoopA · Post by **WhoopA** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 1:23 am

Am I the only one who enjoyed Cub's little story, here?

Cub · Post by **Cub** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 1:29 am

No, you're just one of the few people that use the internet and read at the same time.

Starscream · Post by **Starscream** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 5:03 am

WhoopA wrote:Am I the only one who enjoyed Cub's little story, here?

I thought it was bizarrely entertaining... But you shouldn't go off a tangent every sentence Cub.

Rlan · Post by **Rlan** » Fri Sep 23, 2005 5:29 am

Yeah, I sort of skipped everything up till the middle, where you actually talk about what you said you would :P

I wish someone would being out some sort of Breakout game for the DS. I used to love playing the old Gameboy game, plus I had some clone of the game on an old 286 I once had.

Kirby went "Kirby Blockball"-esque in Canvas Curse for a boss level, but that's not enough :(